Ну или мне показалось, что смишное) Во всяком случае, я ржал в метро, пугая окружающих

God is your superintendentGod: Hello?

Man: Oh, thank goodness, you finally answered. I’ve been trying to reach you for, like, thousands of years.

God: Sorry, I was out for the Jewish holiday.

Man: I don’t . . . think there were any?

God: I believe I’d know.

Man: Fair enough. Anyway, I was calling about a bunch of issues, but the biggest one right now is the temperature. It’s all over the place.

God: You said it was cold.

Man: Now it’s too hot.

God: You want it cold or you want it hot?

Man: I want an even mix of both that is comfortable to me, but that is also good for, like, the ice caps and stuff.

God: I don’t understand.

Man: I want to run heaters and air conditioners inside so that I’m comfy, and then I also want to have everything fluctuate naturally outside without getting too extreme.

God: Yeah, I can’t make that happen. This place is pre-war. I warned you that even just touching the knob on the radiator would result in unstable temperatures, leaking, flooding . . .

Man: I don’t think I ever saw that warning?

God: I posted a bunch of signs on the board in the mail room.

Man: Oh, my bad. I wasn’t paying attention. You post a ton of stuff in there, and it’s actually been causing a lot of confusion among the neighbors because you contradict yourself. Like, the Solomons, in 5F, and the Suleimans, in 5G, have been fighting over a parking space because their leases were shoddy, copy-and-paste jobs. And there was a sign saying that the exterminator was coming, but he still hasn’t come.

God: Oh, yeah. Some of the mix-ups might be coming from my son.

Man: Your son? Does he live here? I thought the Super’s apartment was a one-bedroom.

God: Right, yeah. Did I say son? No, it’s just me. Just one Super. There definitely aren’t, like, twelve family members packed in here.

Man: O.K. . . .

God: So, are we all set?

Man: You know, I have to say, just in general, I’m not really happy with the service I’m getting from you. On top of the whole temperature thing, there are a lot of persistent problems that you have yet to address in the building: cancer, famine, war, male-pattern baldness, the fact that doughnuts taste so good but make us fat, the incredibly poor design of knees (I mean, how are we supposed to jog off the doughnut fat with these things?), and the list goes on. I’m not even going to get into the problems experienced by people in your worse apartments, the ones with stucco walls and diseased mosquitoes and snakes and stuff. What are you going to do about these things?

God: Well, it sounds like a fair number of those issues are due to misuse of the facilities by the tenant. . . .

Man: Knees? Knees are my fault?

God: Certain features were designed with shorter-term residents in mind. We used to get tenants that just popped in for forty years. Now, what, you think you can stay for ninety years and have everything work for the whole time?

Man: Yes!

God: Yeah, I can’t make that happen.

Man: So we’re just stuck with what we’ve got?

God: Pretty much.

Man: Well then, I’m going to move when my lease is up!

God: Fine by me. But you’re not getting your deposit back. And I’m going to charge you extra for the ice-cap damage.



(c) отсюда

@темы: njulf!, Sprachfimmel